New Year's Eve...

Dad came home from the hospital yesterday. Didn't make it in time for Christmas, but he made it home to ring in the New Year. He looked unhappy, it was more confused maybe or a combination. Maybe the anti-depressant medication will make a difference. We need to find something for him do to, something to occupy himself. That's the objective of 2007. Glad to have you home again Dad. Maybe your other son will visit with the grand kids.

Christmas note...

It was a letter, really a note, from Mom on Christmas. It was a single page in her beauttiful cursive. It was a thank you for the times throughout the year when she didn't think she could make it. She didn't have the strength to continue. She didn't have the wisdom to make decisions. There were times when she needed an ear to scream at, a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board. For all those times she said thank you. For all those times I was able to help her. For all those times, she was able to continue. For all those times, thank you.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas in the hospital...

How do you make merry in the hospital? Dad is obviously depressed about being in the hospital. He hardly spoke a word. However, I noticed that his right hand is shaking quite a bit. More than two weeks ago. His frame of mind is reminiscent of when this all began. I wonder is something happened? Another stroke perhaps? Makes you wonder. He is walking a little bit now. We almost have to force him to walk as he doesn't want to get out of bed. He is supposed to be home on Thursday, but we'll see.

How I failed my parents...

Christmas is a few days away and the year is closing soon. We end the year as it began with Dad in the hospital. Mom feeling like all hope is lost. Dad not wanting to go on. How did I fail my parents? Not supporting enough? Not providing enough time for them? Not being able to solve all there problems and challenges? What can I say to either of them at this point? There's always hope? You'll get stronger and be home soon? I don't believe it myself. I've lost hope. I don't even hope anymore.

Guilt trip...

It's difficult this week. Dad's in the hospital. No one has gone to see him from his side of the family. I was able to go Monday but not since. I was planning to go on Sunday, but after a phone call from Mom I'll go in today (Saturday). We have guest in from England so it's a bit difficult to leave, but family first I suppose. Any hoo, Mom was upset that not one of Dad's sisters came to visit him. Brother hasn't been much help either. He was supposed to relay the information but did not. He said Mom told him not to. She called him a liar. Wouldn't it be great to have a family like the ones on TV? No the ones now on reality TV. But the ones from "Happy Days" or "Leave It To Beaver"? I know, the mother figure was slogging back the booze in the kitchener, but at least they all looked normal.

Too familiar surroundings...

I went to visit Dad in the hospital today. The same drive after work, the same parking spot, the same elevator, the same ward. The only change is he's in a different bed. The hospital smells the same. It's very distinct. I've spent many hours there. Many hours. Many weeks. Many months.

Dad doesn't want to be there. He kept saying "I don't want to be here. I want to go home. Your Mom said it was okay for me to go home." What could I say. I would feel the same.

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Dad on his own...

Dad's spirits have taken a turn. He wants to live alone he has told Mom. She's devastated. I know it's Dad feeling that he doesn't want to be a burden to anyone. He'd rather live alone than to subject people to having to live his situation. I'd feel the same way. Some how, we need to give Dad purpose again. Find some thing that will give him a reason to get up in the morning. Brother of course is feeding on this and is telling Mom that he's given up the will to live and that he wants to be on his own because she's too controlling. Brother says Dad needs his independence. I don't think living on his own is going to give him independence. He'll need constant care. Who's going to visit him? Not his sisters or Brother.

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Low hemoglobin...

Dad had some blood work done as part of a regular visit to his GP on Thursday. His doctor called Friday, concerned about his hemoglobin levels. Also the tests indicated that he had some liver and kidney problems. His GP suggested he get to emergency immediately. Mom was freaking out over this. I said it was just a precaution that GP wanted to take. Mom called 911 and got to the hospital by 3:00pm. I left work early and decided that rather than go home and immediately hop in the car to head to the hospital, I was going to look after my family first. Have dinner, share your day and then I'll head to the hospital.



I arrived just before 8:00pm. Mom was in the emergency room waiting for Dad to return from his x-ray's. I asked my Aunt to take her home and I'd stay with Dad. At 10:30pm the emerg doctor arrived and said that he would be requesting 2 units of blood for Dad due to the alarmingly low level of hemoglobin. As well, he requested the specialist to see Dad. By 1:00am we were in the acute care section with a unit of B+ in the transfusion process. The specialist showed up and said that it looks like Dad was losing blood somewhere. He was going to get Dad admitted, adding another unit of blood (a total of three), and a possible scope over the next few days to see where the blood loss could be occurring. This is Mom's opportunity to re-energize her batteries. Dad will be taken care of by the hospital so no worries there. I told her to go out and do things she's wanted to do over the last few months that have been impossible.

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