Visiting is hard...

Daughter and I went to visit Dad yesterday. Mom wasn't able to make it as she had a funeral to go to. I guess when you start going to funerals frequently you know you're in that age bracket. Dad was sleeping when we arrived, I said good morning and he opened his eyes. He was in bed. I'm not sure if they get him out of bed or not. It's very difficult visiting since it was our decision to put him there. He doesn't speak much. He hardly says a few words. Not that he can't, but he doesn't want to. It's very sad. Daughter and I sat and spoke to him, telling him of vacation and no more braces. We left after an hour or so. I left depressed. That's my father in there. What's left of my father.

Grandmother passing away...

After 90+ years on this planet, my Grandmother passed away peacefully last week. She ate dinner, went to sit down in her favourite chair, fell asleep and passed away. That's how it should be done. I wish this for me.

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Movement...

It has been a while hasn't it.
Some major movement here. Dad was moved to a long term care facility last week. I've visited this one last year when we were looking for a place for him. It an older building, but clean and spacious. There are 4 people to a ward room. He has a place by the window. It's actually quite nice compared to some of the other facilities I've seen. Mom of course disagrees and finds it horrible. I'm not sure what Dad thinks. He seems okay. But I'm sure he'd rather be at home. The decision to have Dad go to a LTC facility is the best choice for Dad and Mom. She was no longer able to look after him. We're finding out that there are other people in similar situations. No one is looking down on the spouse for not being able to provide 24/7 care. Mom hasn't let her guilt go, she may not be able to.

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Get on with your life...

People having been telling Mom she's got to get on with her life. She says this with a sigh. How am I supposed to get on with my life? What am I supposed to do? If I don't come to visit your father, who else will?

I don't have any answers. If only things were very straight forward and simple. This just isn't so. This are better between Mom and me. I still worry about the future, Mom's not even thinking that far in advance at this point in her life.

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Time just drags by...

Picked Mom up for breakfast. We had a nice meal. I made sure she agreed that I would pay before we went. She said she behaved very badly last time we had breakfast (fighting to pay for the bill). We stopped by Walmart for a few things before heading on wards to the hospital to see Dad.

He was in good spirits. Not talking much. He drifts in and out of sleep. He's down to 97 lbs Mom says. I stayed for an hour before heading out. I'm not a big fan of the hospital visit. Especially with Dad not really being mentally present. It's very draining to carry on a one sided conversation.

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I'm depressed...

I don't know what to say except I'm depressed. It's just lingering around me. I just want to run away and never look back. On everything.

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Sellling the house...

Within 5 years, there will be no option but to sell Mom and Dad's house.

No option.


Mom's government income is not enough to maintain the daily cost of running the house. With the extra money needed to keep Dad in private care while waiting for basic care, it will drain their resources by $25,000 by the end of year 2 in private care. After that, there will be no money left to look after the basics of the household.

In the end it doesn't matter where Dad ends up since Mom will have to sell and move anyway.

Breakfast with Mom...

Since Dad is in the hospital, Mom and I went for breakfast before visiting Dad. It's something we seldom get to do, and near impossible with Dad at home. It's either Mom or I looking after Dad. Brother is MIA.



During breakfast, Mom looked around and said "These people have no idea how lucky they are". The comment was towards the large number of elderly folk munching away and socializing with their friends. Dad, and Mom, never had a chance to enjoy lazy mornings.



We are going to put Dad into a long term care facility as it's impossible for Mom to look after him at home now. I use the term Long Term Care because I don't want to use nursing home. We have to pay the full amount as there is only availability for private care. It costs $25000 a year. It's money Mom and Dad don't have. It's money that they have to pull that was marked for the next 20 years. It's inevitable that Mom will have to sell the house. In the big picture, does it matter where Dad goes since Mom will have to move eventually anyway? Mom wants him to be close, so she can still visit him. But it will cost $10,000 from her savings for 1 year. The waiting list for basic care at the facility she wants is at least 1 or 2 years away.

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Happy Father's Day...

To all the sons and daughters, celebrate Father's Day in some way. Even if it's just for a second to acknowledge your Father. One thing that stands out for me this year is how lucky other people are for having healthy loving parents. My Father didn't get a chance to enjoy his retirement years. He's physically alive, but not my Father.

Scrambling for accomodation...

We've got our backs up against the wall. The hospital wants to send Dad home, discharge this weekend. He can't return home as Mom can no longer look after him. His safety and well being are at risk. Mom is going to lose her mind from exhaustion. The time has come. If only he had continued to improve, but this just wasn't meant to be. So we are going to get Dad into a long term care facility immediately, with the hopes of getting him into our preferred choice at a later date. Mom keeps waffling on the decision. But it's her guilt that is making her second guess herself.



This is the best choice given the situation.

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Hospital again...

Dad wasn't able to move on Monday. Mom couldn't get him out of bed or change him. He wasn't able to help her help him. She didn't know what was wrong. She didn't know what to do. So... call 911 and get him to the hospital. At least she didn't call Brother. Dad will be in for a few days. The attending doctor will assess the current medication he's on. Dad has definitely changed over the last several months. He no longer talks, he puts his hands in his diapers and smears fecal matter all over his clothes and bedding. With his dirty hands he's rubbing his eyes and getting eye infections. Mom is constantly doing laundry. Mom has come to the conclusion that Dad needs long term care immediately. She no longer has the capacity to look after him. It was at best manageable before, but now... impossible.

Frantic Mom...

Mom called this morning. Dad apparently fell in the bathroom lastnight. She tries to get him up to go to the washroom. He got in, but didn't quite get out. She managed to pull him out to the hall. She decided to call Brother to get him back in bed. I've told her before to call 911. She opted to get Brother. He of course told her all the things she was doing wrong. He tells her what she should be doing, but doesn't offer to help. Dad spent most of the night urinating and defecating in the bed. He puts his hands in his diaper and wipes the fecal matter on his clothes and the bed sheets. Mom spent most of the night changing the bedding.

I asked why she didn't call 911. We've had this conversation before. She just didn't. End of story. I'm too far away. Is this my fault? She won't consider short term respite care. When we had the meeting with CCAC, the social worker said she should use the service. Dad gets 90 days a calendar year at a reduced rate ($30/day). She doesn't consider it. Now I have to listen to her tell me how tired and frail she is. But she won't ask for help. She tells me of how Brother is no help and how he is condescending and rude to her.

I've heard all this before. I ask her to consider the options. She won't listen. She is adding to her own downfall. I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Long Term Care...

The facility of choice sent a letter of acceptance for Dad to their programme. It doesn't say how ling the waiting list is, but typically it's 9 months or longer.

I can't visit any more...

Dad sits in bed just staring off into space. He doesn't speak, doesn't move, doesn't listen. I'm not sure what's going on with him. He's degraded, in my opinion, quite a lot. He doesn't get up to go to the bathroom, he doesn't even tell Mom when he has to go. He's curled up in a fetal position in bed, just laying there. I thought maybe he would have a chance at home, but it's beyond that now.

I can't bring daughter here. It's too difficult for me. I hate to see Dad in this situation. I'd rather see him in a long term care facility where they can look after his needs. Maybe I've totally screwed up. Maybe this was a bad plan and we should have put him in LTC a long time ago. There's no one else who can help.

Home from hospital... again

Same old story. The hospital released Dad on Friday, without notice. Mom called Friday evening. I wasn't able to go on the weekend as I was working. I called Monday. Missed calling on Sunday for Dad's birthday. I could tell he sounded upset that he didn't even know he had a birthday. Daughter and I will go for a visit this weekend.

Sadness prevails...

Mom called to let me know that there's no further word on Dad. They're keeping him for observation. Maybe something will show up this time.
Mom did tell me that she called Brother to let him know Dad's still in the hospital. He replied that she never told him he went in. Such is the way.

Hospital visit...

Went to visit Dad with daughter yesterday. He was in and out of sleep mode. He didn't say much except to Mom "Am I going to stay here long?". Otherwise, we stayed for an hour and then headed home. Mom was a bit more relaxed, I guess getting some sleep does a world of good.

Hospital again...

There's something not quite right about Dad's blood and kidneys. We were told it was due to the type of feed that he was getting and that it was taxing his kidneys. The doctor's had switched him to a lower density liquid food more than 4 months ago. Still, the problem exists. He's going to stay a few days. They may attempt a scope of his colon to see where the blood loss is occurring. it's not really recommended in his condition, but we may not have an option.

A helping hand from brother...

I don't know why Mom does this, but she feels a need to keep testing the waters.

Dad's G-tube developed a pin sized hole. Not enough to cause feeding problems, except that when Mom would attempt to flush the tube with water, the hole sprayed water. The problem required a trip to the ER. That means 8 - 10 hour wait. So she called Brother. Can you take your father to the hospital Emergency room for his G-tube?
Response: I have a family and I don't have 10 hours to waste at the hospital.

You like that, don't you? It gives me the warm fuzzies.

Help from social agency....

We had a meeting with Mom, myself, Dad and the social agency that will assist with getting Dad into a nursing home. Here's the deal...
Dad must give his permission to go into the home even though:
- he's a potential risk to his own safety
- he can easily be coerced into making decisions
- he can't remember anything short term (give him 3 words and ask for the 3 words in 10 minutes)

At anytime in the process of getting long term care he can decide to go back home. So if Brother tells Dad that the nursing home is bad for Dad and he needs to be at home, Dad can tell the agency he wants to go home and they must allow him to return.

There is some government assistance, but not much and only for the basic rates. Dad signed all the required paperwork although I know he had no idea of what he was signing.

I found out the agency also gave Mom and additional 3 hours of in home care for Dad. They offered this last month, but Mom said not to bother. I was furious that she refused the help since I'm the one she calls when she's having a nervous breakdown and expects me to do something about it. Take the damn help.

She also has the option of putting Dad into a nursing home for short term stay, up to 90 days per calendar year. It costs $30/day, but for a weekend it's $60 bucks. I'll gladly pay for that if it will give Mom some needed rest. She told the social worker that she's fine and doesn't need the break. Fuck you. Take the fucking break. Don't call me when you can't take it anymore. If you refuse the help, then that is a choice you are making. I won't feel obligated to drop everything because you're not able to deal with it anymore. There is help available, but you won't take it for whatever reason.

This could be me....

I'm sitting across from Dad at the dining room table. He's hooked up to his feeding tube and one of seven cans he's to get today. He's nodding off, drifting in and out of sleep. l can't image that this is what he would want of his life. He's slumped in his chair, unable to look after himself. He realizes that he must depend on other's for his well being. He's not the man or father that I once knew and admired. That man left this world October 2005. I can't believe it's been that long since that day. If Dad gets into a nursing home it will have been 2 years in total. At least I'll know that he's safe. And I won't have to worry so much about Mom.



Life really changes in a split second.

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I'm going to snap....

I can't take all of this. I'm working long hours at work, I'm falling short on the needs of my family and I've got weekend obligations with Mom and Dad. I'm sitting here not wanting to be here. I'd rather be at home getting better. Seems like there is no end to this. Dad is just as belligerent as always. Mom is giving my nasty angry attitude. I don't need this. All I want is for Mom to be nice. Instead she treats me unlike anyone else. I guess she feels she has the right to do so. I want Dad to get into a nursing home. I can't take all the stress. At least I'll feel like the world is not dropping out when I see Mom's phone number show up on caller-ID.

Mom, I'm truly sorry that this is what God has dealt you. It's not what you wanted. You have tried your best. You have tried dealing with the differing sides of the families. It's clear that you can't manage anymore. I can't keep being here for you under these circumstances. You're pushing me away whether you realize it or not. I will not return at some point for my own sake. I can't care for both of you when my family is falling apart. It's been almost 2 years of this since Dad had his stroke. He's not going to get any better. He's going to be more demanding. He has no concept of his life. He doesn't remember to unbuckle his wheelchair seatbelt to get up. He's acting in a manner that is dangerous to himself. You can't manage him any longer.

Off to Mom and Dad's...

I'm heading off to Mom and Dad's to give Mom and day off. I'm still not feeling well, but Mom's been under great stress so it's the least I can do on Easter Sunday.

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Still not feeling well...

I called Mom this morning to say I'd come in tomorrow rather than today. I'm still not feeling well. She was giving me the guilt trip tone in her voice. If she thought about it, she'd realize that I'm burnt out as well. I've been working 12 hour days at times and 6 days a week. People are pulling at me all the time and I don't have the energy to give them all the attention they deserve. I'm run down and this bug hit me hard. BF and Daughter didn't get it, they're both fine. I'll take care of myself first, then I'll be able to look after my parents, my family and work.

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Sick and sicker...

I've got it. Whatever Mom had, I know have. It ain't nice. Mom called yesterday to ask if I could take Dad to the rehab hospital for his appointment. Last time I took time off work the Doctor canceled. I can't afford to keep taking time off work. It's just too damn busy at work with all the different projects. Any way, I'm sick. And Dad's sick, my Mom and my Aunt took Dad to the hospital as he had a nose bleed that wouldn't stop. He had a bout of diarrhea in the bed and Mom had to clean it all up. We did the same thing several months ago due to the antibiotics. It's for the best if he can stay there for a few days so Mom can get better. Dad's so weak right now that he can't stand up, yet he insists that he can. This is why it's so dangerous. He tries to get up, but his legs won't co-operate. I think we all know where this is heading.

Choices... ???

Sometimes there are no choices. Mom is sick and unable to look after Dad much less herself. I've spent the weekend here, trying to look after both. Dad fell in the bathroom as he's convinced he's capable of doing everything on his own. We found him in the bathtub, fallen in. No major damage, just confirming what we already know. Later, we found him out of bed, trying to walk to the bathroom. He was shaking under his own weight. He wouldn't be able to get there.



Mom has tried. It's been six months with him home and he's not getting better mentally. He doesn't remember how to unbuckle his wheelchair belt although he's done it at least 100 times. He thinks he can eat anything, not realizing that he'll choke if he eats that orange.



I'll start looking for a nursing home again. We went through this last year, so I have an idea of what to expect. It's not pretty, but I think it's for the best.

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Frantic times...

I was in the grocery store with Daughter shopping for dinner supplies when my cell phone rang. It was Mom calling.



"Why didn't you return my call. I am sick and your father is being very demanding. I cannot deal with him. He tried to get out of bed and fell down. I tried to get him up and I hurt my wrist."



"You don't know what it's like to have to cater to him all hours of the day. I haven't slept in weeks. He wakes me up all night because he's pee'd the bed. I do laundry all the time. I can't go out and get a break. There's no one to help"



I end up talking to Dad to tell him to stay in the bed and wheelchair. If he insists on getting out then he will have to go to the nursing home. This is all in the grocery store. It's like a bad comedy.

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Mean Mom...

Daughter and I went to see Dad and give Mom a break. It's the usual thing for us on Saturday. This Saturday however, we needed to get a birthday present for Daughter's friend's birthday party on Sunday. It took us a bit longer than usual to get to Mom and Dad's, we arrived at 11:30am. I walked in the door and Mom give me the look of death. It was like I just ruined her life at that moment. I just walked by her and ignored the laser eyes. She left without saying a word. The day was good with Dad. His walking is really coming along. He is still dependent on the g-tube (feeding tube), but he's able to eat small amounts of pureed or soft food. I've noticed that if he goes for additional food after the first round (seconds that is), he coughs much more than usual. I think the muscles in his throat get tired and don't work as well as when fresh.



Anyway, mom returned from her outing and said as we were getting ready to go "sorry to have to put you out of your life". She said in a way that gave me the Mother guilt thingy. I lost it. I go to see them to give Mom a break and to see Dad. It's not out of guilt, it's out of responsibility and love. Mom treats me different than her other visitor's . She dumps on me when she can't dump on anyone else. I can only take so much of that. I have responsibilities as well and quite frankly my immediate family comes first. Where the f*** is my lovely brother in all this. Hell, he lives 5 minutes away and can't reach out to offer a helping hand.

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I can't do it all...

I've been neck deep in work. Our office of 500 is moving. I'm the lead IT architect for the infrastructure, servers and telephony requirements. It's providing me with 12 hour days and weekend work. Mom asked if I wasn't doing anything on Tuesday, if I could take Dad down to the hospital for an appointment. To accomplish this I'll have to work on Saturday and Sunday as we have commitments to our end users that they'll be fully functional when they move into their new space. Taking a day off at this point is very difficult. I'm losing sleep now over work and dealing with Mom and Dad. That also means I'll be dragging in Daughter to work (she'll at least get a kick out of the new space).



:(

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Re: Fighting and such...

Dad didn't remember anything about the day before or the fighting.

Fighting and such...

Since we had guests over on Saturday (family game night with 2 other families - what absolute fun), we weren't able to go to see Mom and Dad until Sunday. Mom called at 10:30am to ask "Where are you? You said you were coming over this morning!" I informed her that Daughter was still sleeping and that we'd be on our way within the next 30 minutes. She was frantic on the phone.
I got Daughter up and we left promptly. We arrived within 40 minutes (which means we were racing on the highway). Mom and Dad, mostly Dad, were yelling at each other. He kept saying he wanted to move out and that Mom doesn't want him here anymore. Mom kept repeating that it wasn't true and that he wasn't capable of looking after himself.
I urged Mom to go for a walk and get out of the house. Daughter and will look after Dad. Dad kept asking for phone numbers of a variety of people. He wanted them to look into places to rent. He wasn't convinced that he couldn't live on his own.

At some point Mom came home and went to rest for a few minutes. My Dads 2 sisters showed up. I let them in and they had a visit with Dad. He told them he wanted to move and that he didn't need to be treated so badly by Mom. All of a sudden, Mom barges out of the closed bedroom and starts to tell him how much work it is, how she's up 5, 6 times a night. She tells him she does endless loads of laundry because he pees the bed. All the while he's yelling at her "so what, so what". Daughter and I were downstairs at that point listening to all this. No fun, however, it was good for the two sisters to hear what Mom goes through and what Dad can be like at times.

We left soon after my aunts left. Mom didn't want us to leave, but we have a family too.

Progress in a week...

After spending the day with Dad, it became apparent that he's made remarkable progress in a week. His walking is much better, stronger and more confident. He's able to stand for a few seconds on his own without any help. He can get in and out of his wheelchair without assistance. His eating has also improved. He's eating on his own, no problems with swallowing. Remarkable. He's also smiling and laughing. This is probably due to the new medication he's getting from the geriatric doctor he's seeing.

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No major disruptions or no news is good news...

Given that there has been no major news on here... it's a good thing. I'm glad that Mom and Dad have settled into a groove. I think if this can continue, they'll both find a bit of peace. Mom makes things harder on herself just given her personality type and the fact that I can tell she's bored out of her mind being at home all the time. Spring will be here soon and we'll be able to get Dad out for walks.

Off to the hospital again...

Yesterday Mom called me on my cell at work. Dad's feeding tube was blocked. She wasn't able to get anything through it. What this means is that she has to take Dad to the emergency room at the nearby hospital. Not an easy task. Also, Mom got the results from Dad's recent blood work. His hemoglobin was low again. He'll need a transfusion. Any visit to the emergency room means 10 - 12 hours. I wasn't able to get there right away. I had to go home and get the car. Also, Daughter was with us that evening, but my partner was out in the evening on business until 8:30pm. I couldn't leave Daughter by herself until he got home. Mom called at 7:30pm frantically wondering where I was, why wasn't I at the hospital? I said I'd be there as soon as possible and that Daughter was with us that evening. She said not to bother coming in as it would be too late for me. I have to admit, it readily agreed because I was too tired to start driving at 9:00pm. I was being selfish but needed to be.



Dad and Mom left the hospital at 5:00am. Well over 12 hours at the hospital. My Aunt was gracious enough to help them get home and stay with Mom. They gave Dad 2 units of blood and then sent him on his way.

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Bad moods...

I can't blame Mom for being in a bad mood with Dad. It's like starting over in many ways. She's started with the food again, giving him pureed food in the hopes that he won't need the feeding tube in the future. But it's back to square one giving him small amounts. I can tell she thinks he should just start from where he left off, but it's not happening. Dad's either not interested in food or he's doesn't want to eat. In either case it's taking it's toll on Mom's patience. I tried to intervene and told her that I would do it, but she refused. After, I told her I'd give Dad his meds, but she refused. Mom... work with me, I'm here to help, I can't come in that often, but when I do, let me help.

Little by little, better and better...

I'm at Mom and Dad's today looking after Dad while Mom's out for a little R R. Dad's gotten more stable on his legs. He's talking a bit more and reading the newspaper. He's not at the same level since leaving the rehab hospital back in October, but he's much better from a few weeks ago when he left the general hospital. I think his spirits are getting better as well. I asked Mom to see if there's something the physiotherapist can do to help Dad to be able to help himself when he slips to the floor and can't get up.

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Slipped out again...

Last night Dad slid out of his wheelchair again. Mom ended up calling 911 as she couldn't bear to have Brother come in to berate her again. She did try to call the physio guy who was there that evening but he was out. She was very upset but at least Dad was off the ground.



It's snowing lots now. Mom signed up for the snow removal service so she's going to get some work out of it.

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Visiting sisters...

I dropped by to see Mom and Dad after work today. Dad greeted my hello with a "Hi" and a big smile. It's nice to see his face light up. Mom looked happy as well. She got someone coming a few hours a week to give her a chance to catch her breath. The person is being paid for directly by Mom, no government assistance here. It's unfortunate that all the government help does nothing to assist the full time caregiver. Mom's also got the private physiotherapist to work with Dad a few times a week. This too is being paid for by Mom. The only assistance for Dad that is being paid for by the government is the baths that Dad gets 3 times a week.



Mom told me that for the second week in a row, Dad's two sisters and his Mother dropped by to visit. They stayed for about an hour, just long enough for Mom to close her eyes for a few minutes and have a shower. It was Mom who reached out to them, even after all that they did to her. She's a much better person than I could ever be. If they had done that to me, I would have burned the bridges for good. But Mom see's that it's only to benefit Dad to try and make ammends.

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Trips to and fro...

I'll drive in tomorrow to see Mom and Dad after work. My car is nearing 200,000km. It's 10 years old now. I thought it wouldn't have reached the 200K mark so soon. The extra trips into the city have definitely added to the mileage. Without question I'll continue to visit, I wish it could be more often. When I told Mom and Dad a few years ago that I'll be moving, I knew they weren't happy about it. But, you can't turn back the hands of time. If I didn't move I'd be ten minutes away. They would be depending on me much more. Not that I wouldn't mind, but it would add another layer of stress on to life.

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Always a Mother...

We had a crazy ass snow/freezing rain storm today. I had to go to work early so I got up at 4:00am, scraped off the car and headed into work. Normally it would take 45 minutes at this time, but today it took 1 1/2 hours. I made it safe, my nerves a little rattled. At about 10:00am, my phone rang with the caller ID from my parents house. Everytime this happens I think somehting horrible has happened, in the past it's been a rush to get Dad to the hospital or Dad's fallen, or Brother has done something dumb. This time... Mom wanted to know if I was okay with the winter storm.

:)

Wow... Dad you look great!!!

Dad looks fantastic. The change from when I last saw him which was Tuesday is incredible. I think he's made a change in his attitude. No longer does he have a long frowning face. He's smiling and talking a bit more. Daughter came with me to stay with Dad while Mom went out today. Dad's face lit up as soon as he saw her. He obviously gets great pleasure in hearing about her school projects and activities. This is the best he's looked in a long time.


:)

The next day...

I returned the next morning to see how they both were. I walked in and the mood was totally different. Mom was sitting with Dad in the living room watching television. She was smiling and so was Dad when I said hello. It was like nothing happened the last few days. I think she needed to get the moral support she deserves to boost her spirits. I stayed a few hours to help with Dad's walking and squat exercises. I gave him his feed for the afternoon. I'm confident that they need to get back into a groove as Dad was in the hospital for a few weeks. I hope that my conversation with Dad has helped. I seem to think that he's thought about what his outlook on life, that he needs to go forward. He made it clear that he didn't want to go into a nursing home. He made it clear that he wanted to stay in the house. His house. His home.

Dad on the floor [continued]...

So there was Dad on the floor. There was Brother cussing and berating Mom. He wouldn't get Dad off the floor until he finished his lecture. Mom had to wait for his tirade to end. After Brother left his wife phoned to see if everything was okay. Mom told Brother's wife of the verbal assault she had undergone. Brother's wife responded by saying he does that to her all the time, don't pay any attention to him. Ummm, sweetie, your husband is verbally abusing you. It's not okay. Do you realize what he (and you) are teaching your kids. You have a daughter and a son, do you really want your daughter to be treated that way? Mom told her that she doesn't want him at her funeral. Brother's wife said, but he'd you son. Mom said that he's no son. A son wouldn't treat his mother that way.

Mom called the following day (Friday) and was in tears and mentally broken down. I told her I'd be over in 90 minutes. When I arrived she was visibly shaken. She was upset to the point where she couldn't think anymore. I listened to her story. Brother had again accused her of causing Dad's stroke. Her brought up old events and old encounters. He defended Dad's sisters. He justified his superiority. He claimed she was not able to look after Dad anymore and that a nursing home was necessary. I asked if there was any one else who could've helped in this situation. She said no, the neighbors are elderly. Her sister was sick. I told her next time to call 911. This was a much better option than calling Brother. It'll cost $$$, but she should not have to be put through that abuse just to get Dad off the floor.

I spoke with Dad and asked him what he wanted to do. He's got on average 10 years of life left. What is it he wants to accomplish? What is it he want to be remembered for? I asked him about last night, about the yelling. He said he didn't remember. He said yes there was yelling from Brother. I asked hi m if it was okay for Brother to talk to Mom that way. He said no. I said he needs to say something. I said if you say nothing then it means it's okay for him to speak to Mom this way. I asked again.. is it acceptable for Brother to speak to Mom that way? "No". Then you've got to say something. He agreed.

I got him out of bed, had him walk a few laps around the house and do some squats. Mom went out for a few hours with her sister. I stayed a few hours after she came back and then headed home.

Dear Lord...

How do I save my mother.

Last night Dad slipped out of his wheelchair and ended up on the floor. No damage. Just she couldn't get him back in bed. He was unable to help her. So, Mother called Brother. He arrived and deemed it the appropriate time to lecture her on what's she's done to bring this on herself. She caused Dad's stroke and had left him in this state. He did this infront of my father and before he would help get him off the floor.

Happy New Year...

May the new year bring us all joy, love and happiness.

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