Frantic times...

I was in the grocery store with Daughter shopping for dinner supplies when my cell phone rang. It was Mom calling.



"Why didn't you return my call. I am sick and your father is being very demanding. I cannot deal with him. He tried to get out of bed and fell down. I tried to get him up and I hurt my wrist."



"You don't know what it's like to have to cater to him all hours of the day. I haven't slept in weeks. He wakes me up all night because he's pee'd the bed. I do laundry all the time. I can't go out and get a break. There's no one to help"



I end up talking to Dad to tell him to stay in the bed and wheelchair. If he insists on getting out then he will have to go to the nursing home. This is all in the grocery store. It's like a bad comedy.

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Mean Mom...

Daughter and I went to see Dad and give Mom a break. It's the usual thing for us on Saturday. This Saturday however, we needed to get a birthday present for Daughter's friend's birthday party on Sunday. It took us a bit longer than usual to get to Mom and Dad's, we arrived at 11:30am. I walked in the door and Mom give me the look of death. It was like I just ruined her life at that moment. I just walked by her and ignored the laser eyes. She left without saying a word. The day was good with Dad. His walking is really coming along. He is still dependent on the g-tube (feeding tube), but he's able to eat small amounts of pureed or soft food. I've noticed that if he goes for additional food after the first round (seconds that is), he coughs much more than usual. I think the muscles in his throat get tired and don't work as well as when fresh.



Anyway, mom returned from her outing and said as we were getting ready to go "sorry to have to put you out of your life". She said in a way that gave me the Mother guilt thingy. I lost it. I go to see them to give Mom a break and to see Dad. It's not out of guilt, it's out of responsibility and love. Mom treats me different than her other visitor's . She dumps on me when she can't dump on anyone else. I can only take so much of that. I have responsibilities as well and quite frankly my immediate family comes first. Where the f*** is my lovely brother in all this. Hell, he lives 5 minutes away and can't reach out to offer a helping hand.

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I can't do it all...

I've been neck deep in work. Our office of 500 is moving. I'm the lead IT architect for the infrastructure, servers and telephony requirements. It's providing me with 12 hour days and weekend work. Mom asked if I wasn't doing anything on Tuesday, if I could take Dad down to the hospital for an appointment. To accomplish this I'll have to work on Saturday and Sunday as we have commitments to our end users that they'll be fully functional when they move into their new space. Taking a day off at this point is very difficult. I'm losing sleep now over work and dealing with Mom and Dad. That also means I'll be dragging in Daughter to work (she'll at least get a kick out of the new space).



:(

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Re: Fighting and such...

Dad didn't remember anything about the day before or the fighting.

Fighting and such...

Since we had guests over on Saturday (family game night with 2 other families - what absolute fun), we weren't able to go to see Mom and Dad until Sunday. Mom called at 10:30am to ask "Where are you? You said you were coming over this morning!" I informed her that Daughter was still sleeping and that we'd be on our way within the next 30 minutes. She was frantic on the phone.
I got Daughter up and we left promptly. We arrived within 40 minutes (which means we were racing on the highway). Mom and Dad, mostly Dad, were yelling at each other. He kept saying he wanted to move out and that Mom doesn't want him here anymore. Mom kept repeating that it wasn't true and that he wasn't capable of looking after himself.
I urged Mom to go for a walk and get out of the house. Daughter and will look after Dad. Dad kept asking for phone numbers of a variety of people. He wanted them to look into places to rent. He wasn't convinced that he couldn't live on his own.

At some point Mom came home and went to rest for a few minutes. My Dads 2 sisters showed up. I let them in and they had a visit with Dad. He told them he wanted to move and that he didn't need to be treated so badly by Mom. All of a sudden, Mom barges out of the closed bedroom and starts to tell him how much work it is, how she's up 5, 6 times a night. She tells him she does endless loads of laundry because he pees the bed. All the while he's yelling at her "so what, so what". Daughter and I were downstairs at that point listening to all this. No fun, however, it was good for the two sisters to hear what Mom goes through and what Dad can be like at times.

We left soon after my aunts left. Mom didn't want us to leave, but we have a family too.

Progress in a week...

After spending the day with Dad, it became apparent that he's made remarkable progress in a week. His walking is much better, stronger and more confident. He's able to stand for a few seconds on his own without any help. He can get in and out of his wheelchair without assistance. His eating has also improved. He's eating on his own, no problems with swallowing. Remarkable. He's also smiling and laughing. This is probably due to the new medication he's getting from the geriatric doctor he's seeing.

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No major disruptions or no news is good news...

Given that there has been no major news on here... it's a good thing. I'm glad that Mom and Dad have settled into a groove. I think if this can continue, they'll both find a bit of peace. Mom makes things harder on herself just given her personality type and the fact that I can tell she's bored out of her mind being at home all the time. Spring will be here soon and we'll be able to get Dad out for walks.