Sellling the house...

Within 5 years, there will be no option but to sell Mom and Dad's house.

No option.


Mom's government income is not enough to maintain the daily cost of running the house. With the extra money needed to keep Dad in private care while waiting for basic care, it will drain their resources by $25,000 by the end of year 2 in private care. After that, there will be no money left to look after the basics of the household.

In the end it doesn't matter where Dad ends up since Mom will have to sell and move anyway.

Breakfast with Mom...

Since Dad is in the hospital, Mom and I went for breakfast before visiting Dad. It's something we seldom get to do, and near impossible with Dad at home. It's either Mom or I looking after Dad. Brother is MIA.



During breakfast, Mom looked around and said "These people have no idea how lucky they are". The comment was towards the large number of elderly folk munching away and socializing with their friends. Dad, and Mom, never had a chance to enjoy lazy mornings.



We are going to put Dad into a long term care facility as it's impossible for Mom to look after him at home now. I use the term Long Term Care because I don't want to use nursing home. We have to pay the full amount as there is only availability for private care. It costs $25000 a year. It's money Mom and Dad don't have. It's money that they have to pull that was marked for the next 20 years. It's inevitable that Mom will have to sell the house. In the big picture, does it matter where Dad goes since Mom will have to move eventually anyway? Mom wants him to be close, so she can still visit him. But it will cost $10,000 from her savings for 1 year. The waiting list for basic care at the facility she wants is at least 1 or 2 years away.

Powered by ScribeFire.

Happy Father's Day...

To all the sons and daughters, celebrate Father's Day in some way. Even if it's just for a second to acknowledge your Father. One thing that stands out for me this year is how lucky other people are for having healthy loving parents. My Father didn't get a chance to enjoy his retirement years. He's physically alive, but not my Father.

Scrambling for accomodation...

We've got our backs up against the wall. The hospital wants to send Dad home, discharge this weekend. He can't return home as Mom can no longer look after him. His safety and well being are at risk. Mom is going to lose her mind from exhaustion. The time has come. If only he had continued to improve, but this just wasn't meant to be. So we are going to get Dad into a long term care facility immediately, with the hopes of getting him into our preferred choice at a later date. Mom keeps waffling on the decision. But it's her guilt that is making her second guess herself.



This is the best choice given the situation.

Powered by ScribeFire.

Hospital again...

Dad wasn't able to move on Monday. Mom couldn't get him out of bed or change him. He wasn't able to help her help him. She didn't know what was wrong. She didn't know what to do. So... call 911 and get him to the hospital. At least she didn't call Brother. Dad will be in for a few days. The attending doctor will assess the current medication he's on. Dad has definitely changed over the last several months. He no longer talks, he puts his hands in his diapers and smears fecal matter all over his clothes and bedding. With his dirty hands he's rubbing his eyes and getting eye infections. Mom is constantly doing laundry. Mom has come to the conclusion that Dad needs long term care immediately. She no longer has the capacity to look after him. It was at best manageable before, but now... impossible.

Frantic Mom...

Mom called this morning. Dad apparently fell in the bathroom lastnight. She tries to get him up to go to the washroom. He got in, but didn't quite get out. She managed to pull him out to the hall. She decided to call Brother to get him back in bed. I've told her before to call 911. She opted to get Brother. He of course told her all the things she was doing wrong. He tells her what she should be doing, but doesn't offer to help. Dad spent most of the night urinating and defecating in the bed. He puts his hands in his diaper and wipes the fecal matter on his clothes and the bed sheets. Mom spent most of the night changing the bedding.

I asked why she didn't call 911. We've had this conversation before. She just didn't. End of story. I'm too far away. Is this my fault? She won't consider short term respite care. When we had the meeting with CCAC, the social worker said she should use the service. Dad gets 90 days a calendar year at a reduced rate ($30/day). She doesn't consider it. Now I have to listen to her tell me how tired and frail she is. But she won't ask for help. She tells me of how Brother is no help and how he is condescending and rude to her.

I've heard all this before. I ask her to consider the options. She won't listen. She is adding to her own downfall. I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Long Term Care...

The facility of choice sent a letter of acceptance for Dad to their programme. It doesn't say how ling the waiting list is, but typically it's 9 months or longer.

I can't visit any more...

Dad sits in bed just staring off into space. He doesn't speak, doesn't move, doesn't listen. I'm not sure what's going on with him. He's degraded, in my opinion, quite a lot. He doesn't get up to go to the bathroom, he doesn't even tell Mom when he has to go. He's curled up in a fetal position in bed, just laying there. I thought maybe he would have a chance at home, but it's beyond that now.

I can't bring daughter here. It's too difficult for me. I hate to see Dad in this situation. I'd rather see him in a long term care facility where they can look after his needs. Maybe I've totally screwed up. Maybe this was a bad plan and we should have put him in LTC a long time ago. There's no one else who can help.