Bad moods...

I can't blame Mom for being in a bad mood with Dad. It's like starting over in many ways. She's started with the food again, giving him pureed food in the hopes that he won't need the feeding tube in the future. But it's back to square one giving him small amounts. I can tell she thinks he should just start from where he left off, but it's not happening. Dad's either not interested in food or he's doesn't want to eat. In either case it's taking it's toll on Mom's patience. I tried to intervene and told her that I would do it, but she refused. After, I told her I'd give Dad his meds, but she refused. Mom... work with me, I'm here to help, I can't come in that often, but when I do, let me help.

Little by little, better and better...

I'm at Mom and Dad's today looking after Dad while Mom's out for a little R R. Dad's gotten more stable on his legs. He's talking a bit more and reading the newspaper. He's not at the same level since leaving the rehab hospital back in October, but he's much better from a few weeks ago when he left the general hospital. I think his spirits are getting better as well. I asked Mom to see if there's something the physiotherapist can do to help Dad to be able to help himself when he slips to the floor and can't get up.

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Slipped out again...

Last night Dad slid out of his wheelchair again. Mom ended up calling 911 as she couldn't bear to have Brother come in to berate her again. She did try to call the physio guy who was there that evening but he was out. She was very upset but at least Dad was off the ground.



It's snowing lots now. Mom signed up for the snow removal service so she's going to get some work out of it.

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Visiting sisters...

I dropped by to see Mom and Dad after work today. Dad greeted my hello with a "Hi" and a big smile. It's nice to see his face light up. Mom looked happy as well. She got someone coming a few hours a week to give her a chance to catch her breath. The person is being paid for directly by Mom, no government assistance here. It's unfortunate that all the government help does nothing to assist the full time caregiver. Mom's also got the private physiotherapist to work with Dad a few times a week. This too is being paid for by Mom. The only assistance for Dad that is being paid for by the government is the baths that Dad gets 3 times a week.



Mom told me that for the second week in a row, Dad's two sisters and his Mother dropped by to visit. They stayed for about an hour, just long enough for Mom to close her eyes for a few minutes and have a shower. It was Mom who reached out to them, even after all that they did to her. She's a much better person than I could ever be. If they had done that to me, I would have burned the bridges for good. But Mom see's that it's only to benefit Dad to try and make ammends.

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Trips to and fro...

I'll drive in tomorrow to see Mom and Dad after work. My car is nearing 200,000km. It's 10 years old now. I thought it wouldn't have reached the 200K mark so soon. The extra trips into the city have definitely added to the mileage. Without question I'll continue to visit, I wish it could be more often. When I told Mom and Dad a few years ago that I'll be moving, I knew they weren't happy about it. But, you can't turn back the hands of time. If I didn't move I'd be ten minutes away. They would be depending on me much more. Not that I wouldn't mind, but it would add another layer of stress on to life.

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Always a Mother...

We had a crazy ass snow/freezing rain storm today. I had to go to work early so I got up at 4:00am, scraped off the car and headed into work. Normally it would take 45 minutes at this time, but today it took 1 1/2 hours. I made it safe, my nerves a little rattled. At about 10:00am, my phone rang with the caller ID from my parents house. Everytime this happens I think somehting horrible has happened, in the past it's been a rush to get Dad to the hospital or Dad's fallen, or Brother has done something dumb. This time... Mom wanted to know if I was okay with the winter storm.

:)

Wow... Dad you look great!!!

Dad looks fantastic. The change from when I last saw him which was Tuesday is incredible. I think he's made a change in his attitude. No longer does he have a long frowning face. He's smiling and talking a bit more. Daughter came with me to stay with Dad while Mom went out today. Dad's face lit up as soon as he saw her. He obviously gets great pleasure in hearing about her school projects and activities. This is the best he's looked in a long time.


:)

The next day...

I returned the next morning to see how they both were. I walked in and the mood was totally different. Mom was sitting with Dad in the living room watching television. She was smiling and so was Dad when I said hello. It was like nothing happened the last few days. I think she needed to get the moral support she deserves to boost her spirits. I stayed a few hours to help with Dad's walking and squat exercises. I gave him his feed for the afternoon. I'm confident that they need to get back into a groove as Dad was in the hospital for a few weeks. I hope that my conversation with Dad has helped. I seem to think that he's thought about what his outlook on life, that he needs to go forward. He made it clear that he didn't want to go into a nursing home. He made it clear that he wanted to stay in the house. His house. His home.

Dad on the floor [continued]...

So there was Dad on the floor. There was Brother cussing and berating Mom. He wouldn't get Dad off the floor until he finished his lecture. Mom had to wait for his tirade to end. After Brother left his wife phoned to see if everything was okay. Mom told Brother's wife of the verbal assault she had undergone. Brother's wife responded by saying he does that to her all the time, don't pay any attention to him. Ummm, sweetie, your husband is verbally abusing you. It's not okay. Do you realize what he (and you) are teaching your kids. You have a daughter and a son, do you really want your daughter to be treated that way? Mom told her that she doesn't want him at her funeral. Brother's wife said, but he'd you son. Mom said that he's no son. A son wouldn't treat his mother that way.

Mom called the following day (Friday) and was in tears and mentally broken down. I told her I'd be over in 90 minutes. When I arrived she was visibly shaken. She was upset to the point where she couldn't think anymore. I listened to her story. Brother had again accused her of causing Dad's stroke. Her brought up old events and old encounters. He defended Dad's sisters. He justified his superiority. He claimed she was not able to look after Dad anymore and that a nursing home was necessary. I asked if there was any one else who could've helped in this situation. She said no, the neighbors are elderly. Her sister was sick. I told her next time to call 911. This was a much better option than calling Brother. It'll cost $$$, but she should not have to be put through that abuse just to get Dad off the floor.

I spoke with Dad and asked him what he wanted to do. He's got on average 10 years of life left. What is it he wants to accomplish? What is it he want to be remembered for? I asked him about last night, about the yelling. He said he didn't remember. He said yes there was yelling from Brother. I asked hi m if it was okay for Brother to talk to Mom that way. He said no. I said he needs to say something. I said if you say nothing then it means it's okay for him to speak to Mom this way. I asked again.. is it acceptable for Brother to speak to Mom that way? "No". Then you've got to say something. He agreed.

I got him out of bed, had him walk a few laps around the house and do some squats. Mom went out for a few hours with her sister. I stayed a few hours after she came back and then headed home.

Dear Lord...

How do I save my mother.

Last night Dad slipped out of his wheelchair and ended up on the floor. No damage. Just she couldn't get him back in bed. He was unable to help her. So, Mother called Brother. He arrived and deemed it the appropriate time to lecture her on what's she's done to bring this on herself. She caused Dad's stroke and had left him in this state. He did this infront of my father and before he would help get him off the floor.

Happy New Year...

May the new year bring us all joy, love and happiness.

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