A touch of pneumonia...

Dad's cold got progressively worse on the weekend. When I was there on Tuesday evening, a doctor came by and said Dad most likely had a touch of pneumonia. He was given some antibiotics the day before, and it would take three days before he would see improvement. One of the results of the antibiotics is diarrhea. I remember this from Daughter's few illnesses. I was helping Mom with Dad in the bedroom, when he said he had to pee. He was so week that getting him to the bathroom wasn't an option. We used the urinal bottle instead. Dad said he was done, but he hadn't done anything. Mom asked if he wanted to try again. He said yes. Except he then said "I pooed". It was everywhere, diarrhea. On the bed, on his pants, on the floor. It took the two of us half an hour to clean up. There was atleast 5 loads of laundry to do. I never expected to have to clean up my parent. But things have changed in the last year. Things are very different.

Brother knows more than the doctors... again

Mom called Thursday all in a panic because Dad had as fever.
Me: What's his temperature, Mom?
Mom: It's 38.4C.
Me: Oh, I said, I think it's just above normal.
Mom: what's normal?
Me: Let me google it. It's usually 37C but can range from 36.1 - 37.8 °C
Mom: Does he have a fever?
Me: If you didn't know what the normal temerature was, why do you think he has a fever?
Mom: The site around his g-tube is oozing a bit and it smells funny.
Me: He might have a slight infection, he's been fighting a cold for the last week, so that might be it
Mom: I called TeleHealth and they told me to get him to Emergency, but the last time we went when his g-tube came out, we stayed there for 10 hours.
Me: Anything other than a lost limb and you're going to stay 10 hours at least
Mom: What should I do?
Me: I'd wait a few hours and then take his temperature again. I'm sure it's nothing.
Mom: Ok.

So Mom ends up calling Brother because she wanted him to take his temperature in case her thermometer was broken. He tells her how she is abusing him because she won't let him use a stationary bicycle. And that he should use the treadmill downstairs. Brother verbally abuses her infront of Dad. Dad doesn't say anything. Mom sends me a CC of an email to Brother. She says in her email how disrespectfull he's been especially over the last year since Dad has been in the hospital. It really started long before Dad got sick, but this has just made it worse. She noted in the email that he has never stopped by the house to see how she's doing. She reminded him how she looked after the kids (for free while he stayed home not working). She told him to return the key to the house and that if he won't she'll have the locks changed. She told him God is watching and what goes around, comes around.

I'm sure he'll just laugh it off as Mom. Dad needs to step up to the plate and voice his disapproval on this matter. If I never see my Brother again, so be it. Nothing lost.

Dad's starting to make sure he's looking out for himself...

Apparently Brother wanted to bring Dad over to his house on Sunday. Dad asked if the kids and Brother's wife were still sick. Brother said his wife was still ill. Dad said perhaps next week then. This is because the prior week, Brother took Dad over to his house even though both kids and wife were sick. As a result Dad got a cold. Not something he needs right now.

He's making great progress. He looks great and I can see his stamina is getting better.

I was to take him to the doctor and bank today, I took the day off work. However, the doctor called in sick. I'll take him and Mom to the bank and Sears to get some better slippers.

:)

Weekend visits...

I ususally go to see Mom and Dad on Saturday's. If I have Daughter that weekend, then she will come along. This Saturday was no different. Except when we walked in to the house, there was Dad sitting in his same old chair. The music was playing loudly. He was reading the newspaper. I just stood there staring. It was as if the whole year the we just endured had never happenned. Except for the feeding tube and the pole holding the feed, I could have sworn the old Dad was back.
We spent a nice afternoon with my parents. We had lunch and then Mom went to church with my Aunt. We stayed with Dad, I gave him his meds and feed at 5:30pm.

One thing to note, one of his sisters called and left a message. Dad knows when the phone rings. He knows who leaves a message. My aunt called my brother to tell him her calls were not being returned. My brother promptly goes to see Dad to find out why he hasn't called her back. The fact is, he doesn't want to speak to her he says... "she talks crap". I think alot of it has to do with the way she and her family treated their Mother who was living with my aunt. At the time my grandmother found out my cousin was drinking a lot of wine in the basement. When confronted, my cousin told my grandmother to get out of the house and proceeded to make her leave. Neither my aunt or uncle tried to resolve the issue. My grandmother ended up leaving and staying with my father and mother until she was able to get into a seniors building. My grandmother had to get a job making sandwiches to make ends meet. So Aunt, it's not because my mother is preventing my Dad from calling you, he just thinks you are "full of crap". You are a hypocrit. You claim to be a devout Catholic and yet you have treated you mother and brother without respect. Look at your own family and see how your daughter got her husband. His ex-wife tells a very different story about your lovely daughter.

We all have nasty little secrets, don't we.

Some familiar relationship habits...

I dropped by Mom and Dad's after work today. Dad was in the bedroom lying on the bed. Mom was washing up dishes. She started telling what a bad and nasty mood "your father" was in. He apparently snapped at her because she wouldn't give him a cookie. She made the mistake of taking him to the nearby mall. It's too far for her to push him in the walker. That's right - I said "walker". The kind with the seat, but not really meant for sitting in. I guess she thought it would be a nice walk. Except Dad walks very slowly. And tires quickly. So getting there was one thing. But then she had to get him home. Too far.

I took Dad to the same mall, except I drove us there. It gave Mom a chance to close her eyes. At least for an hour. He really enjoyed going for a stroll, looking around, seeing what was on sale. We bought 2 chocolate bars from the drugstore. He saw in the flyer "1 for 99 cents and the 2nd for 1 penny". It was a bargain for sure. And Dad loves a good bargain.

One year ago...

I had moved to away to a smaller city about 45 minutes away. I was commuting by train to get to work. Getting to see Mom and Dad was hit or miss as we were trying to still get settled into the new house. Daughter was adjusting to her new school. The three of us were adjusting to living together.

Dad was already feeling that things were not right. He decided that he wasn't going to drive anymore. He was doing less walking. He seemed so much older to me than last time I saw him.

Mom's on her own and doing well...

Called Mom this morning to see how things went since I left yesterday afternoon. I didn't call last night on purpose so she could feel some confidence in doing things on her own. She didn't mention any problems. It will be difficult for her getting sleep as Dad gets up several times in the night to go to the bathroom. She was always a bit of an insomniac. No mention of any issues with brother, so I presume it went well. It also gave her a chance to close her eyes while he was out.

A stroke such as what afflicted Dad has resulted in much of his faculties at reduced capacity. I realize that his comprehension is slower and his understanding is limited. He is remembering more as time goes on. And maybe that is what it will take... time.

Leaving Mom and Dad...

After spending several days helping both Mom and Dad with the adjustment of coming home, I was confident that they each had the will to make it work. Dad is determined to get stronger. He wants continue to do the exercises, even doing a few extra repetitions. Mom is able to handle all the daily requirements that Dad will need. She needs only to calm down to be able to deal with the issue at hand.

Before I left I replaced the hand shower as the hose of the old one would pop out occasionally when in use. Dad may need one more grab bar in the bathroom. Brother should be able to handle that one without making a big fuss about it.

Mom needs to remember that no one can hurt you unless you let them. That means, brother can't push her around unless she lets him. If he is being an ass, ask him to leave. She owes him nothing. He has failed to support her and Dad over the last year. He has never called on her to see if she is okay, if she needs anything. He has been rude and insulting (telling your Mother to fuck off is not acceptable). His wife, after everything my parents have done for her, hasn't called or offered assistance. Now that Dad is home, brother wants to have a celebration at his house tonight for Dad's homecoming. Like he had anything to do with Dad's recovery. Such a shallow individual. You, brother, had nothing to do with Dad's recovery. You, brother, are an embarrassment to the family. You, brother, will remember this in many ways throughout your life.