Quiet conversation with Dad...

I had the wonderful pleasure of spending some time with Dad alone. Often when I go it's with Mom or there are other family members around.

Dad was able to (ans wanted to) be in a wheelchair. I took him on a small walk on the floor. We stopped by a quiet area and looked out the window to see the newly fallen snow. I have to admit I haven't really spoken with Dad in a few years. Beyond the usualy "hi how are things", "How are the kids", etc, I haven't spoken at a deeper layer for a while. I took this opportunity to connect.

I asked if he was comfortable. If he was having a good day. It seemed like he was moaning, but really he was trying to speak. It's just that the words in his head arent' making it past his mouth. He can't form the words physically in his mouth yet. He can say a few words, but one syllable words are what's most common. He kept shaking he head "no". What was he trying to say. Are you tired of all the fighting - yes. I told him I knew he was the peacekeeper between Mom and brother. I told him that I was trying to be the peacekeeper, but it was very difficult. He nodded. I told him that he granddaughter has taling it very hard. She missed him (this is brothers daughter). I know they shared a lot of special time together. I told him he needed to get better so that she can tell him all the things that she's been saving for him to hear. He nodded. I told him I was doing my best to look after Mom. She's holding it together, but it has not been easy to have your whole life turned upside down. He nodded.

He moved the arm that hasn't moved much in 10 weeks and stroked he head. That's great Dad, you're moving your arm. I said "I hope you're proud of me, I'm doing my best to hold everything together for you. I'm taking care of Mom so don't worry about her. The house is fine and I'll make sure the care gets taken out every few weeks. I'm trying to keep peace between Mom and brother. It's difficult. I hope I'm doing what you want". He turned his head to be and looked directly in my eyes. He nodded.

The conversation continued. I couldn't make out what he was saying. I wanted to know. I wanted to understand. He took my hand in his and placed it on his forehead. He was trying so hard to communicate. I wanted to jump into his brain and hear his words. I wanted to understand.

Dad is still all there, mentally. He knows what's going on. He knows about the fighting. He knows he needs to get better.

He will.