Help from social agency....

We had a meeting with Mom, myself, Dad and the social agency that will assist with getting Dad into a nursing home. Here's the deal...
Dad must give his permission to go into the home even though:
- he's a potential risk to his own safety
- he can easily be coerced into making decisions
- he can't remember anything short term (give him 3 words and ask for the 3 words in 10 minutes)

At anytime in the process of getting long term care he can decide to go back home. So if Brother tells Dad that the nursing home is bad for Dad and he needs to be at home, Dad can tell the agency he wants to go home and they must allow him to return.

There is some government assistance, but not much and only for the basic rates. Dad signed all the required paperwork although I know he had no idea of what he was signing.

I found out the agency also gave Mom and additional 3 hours of in home care for Dad. They offered this last month, but Mom said not to bother. I was furious that she refused the help since I'm the one she calls when she's having a nervous breakdown and expects me to do something about it. Take the damn help.

She also has the option of putting Dad into a nursing home for short term stay, up to 90 days per calendar year. It costs $30/day, but for a weekend it's $60 bucks. I'll gladly pay for that if it will give Mom some needed rest. She told the social worker that she's fine and doesn't need the break. Fuck you. Take the fucking break. Don't call me when you can't take it anymore. If you refuse the help, then that is a choice you are making. I won't feel obligated to drop everything because you're not able to deal with it anymore. There is help available, but you won't take it for whatever reason.

This could be me....

I'm sitting across from Dad at the dining room table. He's hooked up to his feeding tube and one of seven cans he's to get today. He's nodding off, drifting in and out of sleep. l can't image that this is what he would want of his life. He's slumped in his chair, unable to look after himself. He realizes that he must depend on other's for his well being. He's not the man or father that I once knew and admired. That man left this world October 2005. I can't believe it's been that long since that day. If Dad gets into a nursing home it will have been 2 years in total. At least I'll know that he's safe. And I won't have to worry so much about Mom.



Life really changes in a split second.

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I'm going to snap....

I can't take all of this. I'm working long hours at work, I'm falling short on the needs of my family and I've got weekend obligations with Mom and Dad. I'm sitting here not wanting to be here. I'd rather be at home getting better. Seems like there is no end to this. Dad is just as belligerent as always. Mom is giving my nasty angry attitude. I don't need this. All I want is for Mom to be nice. Instead she treats me unlike anyone else. I guess she feels she has the right to do so. I want Dad to get into a nursing home. I can't take all the stress. At least I'll feel like the world is not dropping out when I see Mom's phone number show up on caller-ID.

Mom, I'm truly sorry that this is what God has dealt you. It's not what you wanted. You have tried your best. You have tried dealing with the differing sides of the families. It's clear that you can't manage anymore. I can't keep being here for you under these circumstances. You're pushing me away whether you realize it or not. I will not return at some point for my own sake. I can't care for both of you when my family is falling apart. It's been almost 2 years of this since Dad had his stroke. He's not going to get any better. He's going to be more demanding. He has no concept of his life. He doesn't remember to unbuckle his wheelchair seatbelt to get up. He's acting in a manner that is dangerous to himself. You can't manage him any longer.

Off to Mom and Dad's...

I'm heading off to Mom and Dad's to give Mom and day off. I'm still not feeling well, but Mom's been under great stress so it's the least I can do on Easter Sunday.

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Still not feeling well...

I called Mom this morning to say I'd come in tomorrow rather than today. I'm still not feeling well. She was giving me the guilt trip tone in her voice. If she thought about it, she'd realize that I'm burnt out as well. I've been working 12 hour days at times and 6 days a week. People are pulling at me all the time and I don't have the energy to give them all the attention they deserve. I'm run down and this bug hit me hard. BF and Daughter didn't get it, they're both fine. I'll take care of myself first, then I'll be able to look after my parents, my family and work.

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Sick and sicker...

I've got it. Whatever Mom had, I know have. It ain't nice. Mom called yesterday to ask if I could take Dad to the rehab hospital for his appointment. Last time I took time off work the Doctor canceled. I can't afford to keep taking time off work. It's just too damn busy at work with all the different projects. Any way, I'm sick. And Dad's sick, my Mom and my Aunt took Dad to the hospital as he had a nose bleed that wouldn't stop. He had a bout of diarrhea in the bed and Mom had to clean it all up. We did the same thing several months ago due to the antibiotics. It's for the best if he can stay there for a few days so Mom can get better. Dad's so weak right now that he can't stand up, yet he insists that he can. This is why it's so dangerous. He tries to get up, but his legs won't co-operate. I think we all know where this is heading.

Choices... ???

Sometimes there are no choices. Mom is sick and unable to look after Dad much less herself. I've spent the weekend here, trying to look after both. Dad fell in the bathroom as he's convinced he's capable of doing everything on his own. We found him in the bathtub, fallen in. No major damage, just confirming what we already know. Later, we found him out of bed, trying to walk to the bathroom. He was shaking under his own weight. He wouldn't be able to get there.



Mom has tried. It's been six months with him home and he's not getting better mentally. He doesn't remember how to unbuckle his wheelchair belt although he's done it at least 100 times. He thinks he can eat anything, not realizing that he'll choke if he eats that orange.



I'll start looking for a nursing home again. We went through this last year, so I have an idea of what to expect. It's not pretty, but I think it's for the best.

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